Ankylosaur Clubs Aren't For Dancing
- Kaitlin McMillan
- Nov 2, 2018
- 2 min read
That is, unless you wanted all your bones pulverized--I don't judge.
Ah yes, Ankylosaurus: our subject of this week. It rubbed armored elbows with the likes of T. Rex and Triceratops during the Late Cretaceous--the tail-end of the age of dinosaurs.
Much like a modern armadillo or crocodile, ankylosaurs were covered in hard, armored plates called osteoderms (or scutes!) that grew from out of their skin.
With its absurdly-wide body and stumpy four legs, these animals have been compared more accurately to breathing army tanks than anything else. Not to mention it most likely weighed 4 tons on average--that's as much as an elephant!
Now imagine that kind of weight being put behind what ankylosaurs are really known for...
At the end of Ankylosaurus's tail was, as I previously mentioned, a club. But not just any club. Just like the rest of its armor, the club was made out of round osteoderms collected together into a rough, oval shape. The handle of the club was really just the
last several vertebrate of the tail all fused together. This made for a deadly weapon that could handle even the most extreme recoils.
Picture one of those hammer-wielding games at the county fair--you know, where you try to hit a lever hard enough to make a bell ring and you win a poorly-made Minion plushie. Except the hammer is a part of your arm and the bell is another human being. And you don't win a plushie.
The stiff swinging motion is what I'm trying to get you to picture here...sigh.
This was a poor analogy.
What I meant to say was: Ankylosaurus would swing the club left and right using all of its body weight to either hobble or mortally injure its enemies. There.
Anyway, paleontologists aren't clear as to whether the club was used for defense or intraspecific combat or both. It obviously wasn't a mode of immobilizing prey unless it really wanted to tenderize low-lying shrubs. What is clear, though, is that Ankylosaurus clubs could shatter the ankle bones of T. Rex like they were made of dry plywood.
On that note, I have a nugget of information so badass that it would be a literal crime not to share.
Back in 2017, Victoria Arbour and fellow paleontologists uncovered an ankylosaur skull that bore an eery resemblance to big Ghostbusters baddie, Zuul: The Gatekeeper of Gozer. Being absolute nerds, the specimen was dubbed Zuul crurivastator.
The meaning?
"Zuul: Destroyer of Shins". You cheeky ducks.
Top left: photo credit to Tiffany Turrill
Middle right and bottom left: photo credits to Brian Boyle of the Royal Ontario Museum
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